(PS4-D88) Meaning Making in Mixed-gender Couples’ Sexual Problem Discussions: A Thematic Analysis

Maintaining a satisfying sex life is important to most romantic relationships. However, approximately one-third of individuals feel sexually dissatisfied, which has negative implications for relationship satisfaction and well-being. Effective communication is vital for couples to cope with sexual problems, and how couples co-construct meaning about sexual problems may affect the efficacy of communication. We identified themes of how couples make meaning about their sexual problems in 108 mixed-gender couples who discussed their sexual concerns in a 10-minute videotaped lab discussion.

Using template analysis, a coding team (the first author and seven undergraduate research assistants) identified themes in the discussions using a deductive (a priori themes based on theory) and inductive (unexpected themes through iterative review of the data) approach. All data are collected, 30% of the discussions have been coded, and two key themes have emerged.

The first theme, Heterosexual Sexual Script Flexibility, reflects how couples integrated cultural-level scripts of heterosexual sexual interactions into their understanding of the problem (e.g., men should initiate sex, women gatekeep). For some couples, adhering to scripts made sexual problems worse, for example, a woman who desired more sex refused to initiate because she thought it was her partner’s job. Other couples were more flexible in applying scripts and more willing to act against them to resolve sexual problems. However, many couples who rejected the traditional sexual script had difficulty navigating sex, for example, one man said this about his wife who struggled when initiating sex, “Like you kind of want to, but you don’t know how to do it.” This suggests that developing new scripts or behaving counter to the heterosexual sexual script may pose unique challenges for couples. 

The second major theme was Growth versus Destiny Beliefs. Couples often expressed a growth mindset where a good sex life is attained through effort, or a destiny mindset where sexual satisfaction is determined by partner compatibility. Growth beliefs may render sexual problems less threatening to couples because they can be overcome with hard work. For example, a couple talked about scheduling sex, and the male partner said, “It’s also great because its quadrupled our sex life.” Previous research suggests destiny beliefs may be problematic because declines in couples’ sex lives might signal incompatibility; however, most couples who expressed destiny beliefs in our sample maintained feelings of compatibility and implied that sexual difficulties would be overcome because they were meant to be together. For example, “Even if I’m not in the mood to have sex, I still think you’re beautiful and I love everything about you.”

This study provides a richer understanding of the beliefs couples communicate to each other when faced with sexual problems. Furthermore, it identifies that unique problems may appear for couples with sexual script flexibility and that couples who express destiny beliefs may be more resilient when faced with sexual problems than indicated in previous research. This may provide insight into how therapists can better support couples with sexual problems.